tales of wander

After Thanksgiving, we continued our decadent routine of finding new coffees and foods to explore, which provided the backdrop for more deep (and not so deep) conversations. I savored every moment with my friends, knowing that I would not see them in the flesh for a while. As the end of my trip neared, my mind did what it normally does at that stage—it shifted into a contemplative mode and I began reflecting on the trip as a whole. Naturally, after the year I’ve had, that included all of the events leading up to this moment. 

Over the past year, I’ve read a lot of books. I could see that I was in a period of transition and I did what I always do in moments of difficulty: I try to learn more about it (and myself) to help me focus on a path forward. One of the books I read is called “The Good Life,” which is about the “world’s longest scientific study on happiness.” It attempts to answer the question: “what makes a good life?” On the surface, it seems the answer could look different from one person to the next—maybe one person fills their life with volunteer work, another person with traveling, and another with a meaningful job. However, the study revealed that time and again, what truly makes a good life are not the things we do or the places we go, but it’s the relationships we have with the people in our life. In fact, “the stronger the relationships, the more likely we are to live happy, satisfying, and overall healthier lives.” 

Take this trip for example. As I mentioned in my first post, this trip has been unique because I had never traveled with anyone for more than a few weeks and this trip would be shared with at least one (but up to three) close friends for six weeks. I’m not going to lie and say that was easy—it’s hard to travel with anyone for that long and close friends are no exception. However, as I reflect back upon the trip and think about what I enjoyed most, I see that what really took center stage was not the place I was in, but all the special moments shared with the people I care about. The locale, while breathtaking, quietly drifted into a supporting role—it either faded into the background during those special moments, or it was enhanced and made more vibrant for having someone to share it with. 

Travel is a wonderful pastime. It’s my passion and I will continue doing it—and will probably continue doing it alone sometimes. However, I’m aware that even something as good and exciting as travel has the potential to become an unhealthy coping mechanism if it’s used as a way to escape—if I use it to run from something that feels less satisfying. I can’t deny that there have been trips where I have done that. Thankfully, despite my crazy year, this one was about running toward something—toward fresh perspectives, toward trying something new, toward strengthening my relationships, and toward building new experiences with others. Life is hard. It would not be worth living without people to help us weather the storms. I want this next phase of my life to include more of them.

Finally, my last day in Croatia arrived, which meant I would have to say a reluctant goodbye to my dear friends later that day. I started the morning with a long run along the sea—a route that had become my favorite since arriving in Split. It goes through some of the neighborhoods bordering the old town, along the Riva, then along a sea wall that has a stone path that leads to rocky beaches. That morning there was a brilliant double rainbow in the sky. I don’t actually believe in signs, but sometimes it’s fun to pretend that I do, and some people believe that a double rainbow signifies that a storm has passed—and good luck, prosperity, and a new beginning awaits. After a storm of a year, I will take it.

“Midlife is not about the fear of death. Midlife is death. Tearing down the walls that we spent our entire life building is death. Like it or not, at some point during midlife, you’re going down, and after that there are only two choices: staying down or enduring rebirth.” – The Midlife Unraveling, Brené Brown